


By The Firelight

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [49]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily, Crack, Damian's odd little games, Dick Grayson knits Damian's clothes, Dick wants his family to be warm, Fluff, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humour, Jason being a drama queen, M/M, Politically powerful Tim Drake, Protective Dick Grayson, Some clothes manage to sneak into Jason's closet, batbros, using his powers for good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22785292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: Bruce revels in the winter season.Dick's maternal tendencies will not respond to reason.Jason and Roy reveal their plan,and Timmy takes care of his little clan.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Wally West, Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Series: Slip and Slide [49]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/925041
Comments: 27
Kudos: 269





	By The Firelight

**Author's Note:**

> Aha! I have returned! 
> 
> Apologies, work was kicking my arse. 
> 
> On to the story!

Bruce had many reasons to love the winter season. The thick carpets of snow added a pleasant chill to the gothic ambience of Gotham, as mounds of snow threatened to fall off of the sloping rooftops onto some unsuspecting civilian's - or better yet, villain's - head. He loved that for once, Tim could not wear his teeny tiny skirts or booty-shorts, and had to cover up fully. He especially adored that there would be several layers worth of clothes between Tim and Kon when they embraced, their passion stifled by layers of homely wool sweaters.

He loved the silence that came over the city, it's roads slick with ice and made it ever so dangerous for any fleeing villain. Crime always dropped in the winter, giving Bruce time to enjoy his family.

This, of course, meant Damian, who was currently sitting on the sofa and resembling a laundry pile, given how many layers that Dick had stuffed him into. Bruce grinned, seeing his irate son unable to move properly, only his poisonous green eyes visible through the beanie and wool scarf that Dick had cheerfully piled upon him. 

Apparently tired of inaction, Damian made to stand up, but could not find his balance through the layers of snow pants. He rolled down the hall, an angry ball of clothing, yelling all the while. 

"ARGH! I am felled by mine own clothing! Someone halt my rolling-!"

Damian's roll came to a halt under Jason's foot, all snug in thick wooly socks. Jason looked down at Damian and beamed beatifically. "Oh my god, bless me father for I have sinny sin sinned, this is too amazing to resist," he said, punting Damian's spherical little body back down the hall. 

Damian continued to shriek angrily, vowing revenge as Jason merrily punted him through the house till he reached the sitting room where Bruce and now Tim were sat. "Hey, Tim!" Jason called. 

With his sixth sense for all things Damian-misfortune-related, Tim sat up to peer over the sofa, and upon seeing the vision that was clothes-ball-Damian, squealed happily. Bruce sighed as he watched Tim and Jason punt Damian around the room like an evil, screaming, football. 

"Boys, stop kicking Damian," Bruce rumbled. Jason snickered and picked Damian up. "Don't dribble your little brother," Bruce was quick to warn them.

Tim pouted. "Aw, you're no fun, Bruce."

"Hand the pre-pubescent over," Bruce demanded, reaching out and snagging his youngest. 

"Father, you have saved me!" Damian cheered. "Now punish those hooligans!"

Tim immediately stopped being a hooligan and proceeded to resemble a delicate jasmine flower. "But I'm so innocent, Bruce~"

Catching on, Jason proceeded to do the same, but only managed to resemble a particularly messy dandelion. "Yeah Bruce~"

Bruce shuddered at the sight and turned away as the two hellions dissolved into peals of laughter behind him. "I'm sorry Damian," Bruce said, "I couldn't avenge you. Your brothers are too ridiculous."

"Tt. I understand, Father. I extend unto you my sympathies."

"Thank you," Bruce muttered, as he repositioned the Damian-ball on his lap. Damian snuggled into Bruce's stomach like a skink seeking warmth, and Bruce suddenly got an idea about how it felt like to be pregnant. 

"Welp, that was fun, I'm going upstairs to check on Terry," Jason chirped. "He might need his buff uncle Jay to give him upsies."

"Cad," Damian muttered as Jason thudded away. "I, too, can give upsies."

"Yeah, but you can only get like, two feet off the ground," Tim said maliciously. 

Damian shrieked and made to bat at Tim, only to lose his balance and topple over again. Tim laughed gaily, and twirled away to snuggle up on the throw rug like a cat. 

Suddenly, Jason returned, hurrying into the room. He made a brief detour to the kitchen to brew some tea, then grabbed a blanket and some effervescent oils and lay himself out on the sofa, looking very put upon. 

Bruce looked curiously at his middle child. "Jason? What's wrong?"

"Oooh," Jason moaned, "Bruce, I saw something that no man should ever lay eyes upon. It has burdened my very soul, and I am heavy with regret and pain."

"Stop being a baby. What happened?"

Jason shuddered and rubbed some lavender oil on his temples, and then took a fortifying sip of tea before lying back down like a distressed damsel. "Oh Bruce, what shall I say? It was a vision most unholy. Whence I opened the door to mine elder brother's room, I was greeted to the sight of ass cheeks most bouncy, with legs raised high to the heavens, and nips most pointy."

"Oh lord," Bruce groaned, seeing quickly where this was going.

"And mine ears were assaulted, with the squeals of mine sibling and his hussy of a husband, as the redheaded jerkwad doth tried to nibble-"

"STOP!" Bruce yelled, and checked that Damian was not too traumatized. "Damian, how much of that did you hear?" He asked urgently.

"Not much," Damian admitted, poking his head out of his thick scarf, like a turtle. "I retreated into the confines of my scarf when I heard Todd's melodramatics begin."

"And that cancelled out the noise?"

"The scarf is very dense," Damian explained. "Grayson knits them very thick."

Meanwhile, Jason continued to sigh and be upset at the trauma that he had endured. "Why are you checking on the Evil Potato Roll, I just saw Dick and Wally's foreplay, it was awful."

Suddenly, the door to the sitting room burst open to reveal Dick and Wally, both blushing and harried, with their clothes askew. "Little Wing!" Dick burst out, "I'm so sorry! We must have forgotten to lock the door!"

Jason pulled his blanket up around his nose and glared at Dick. "Too little too late, Dickface. I've already Seen, and it cannot be Unseen."

"I don't know why you're so upset," Tim snorted. "We've all seen each other naked at least once in the medical wing."

"I know what Dick looks like naked," Jason said, "but I didn't need to know what shade of light beige Wally's freckled butt is!"

Wally emitted a sound that might have been an ashamed 'meep'. 

"Next time, lock the door," Bruce grunted at his eldest son and son-in-law. He pointed at Damian. "Dick, help Damian out of the layers."

"But Bruce, he'll get all chilly!"

"Dick, he's going to overheat."

"Mmph," Damian agreed, as the scarf threatened to devour his little head in it's many layers again.

Dick tutted and started to help Damian out of his many layers, and slowly, the boy started to come into view again. "Aha!" Damian cried, as he scarf loosened, "I am free once more!"

Dick smiled. "Nice to see you again, Dami."

"What ho, Grayson. Next time, I believe two layers should suffice for the indoors."

"Alright, but you need to wear your woolen socks," Dick said, and pulled a pair of thick, knobbly red socks over Damian's tiny but lethal feet. 

Meanwhile, Wally was trying to make things good with Jason. "I'll give you twenty bucks to forget about seeing my ass," he tried.

Jason snorted. "Not likely. You have a constellation on our ass, Wallace. I think it's Capricorn."

"Fifty bucks," Wally tried. 

"It kinda looked like a Bob Ross painting."

"Tim," Wally whined, "have you invented a memory ray gun yet?"

"With the proper motivation, perhaps Timmy could be so persuaded," Tim said slyly, not divulging that he had the schematics stashed away already. 

"Sixty bucks."

"No deal."

"Sixty bucks and I'll drive you to see Kon on Saturday."

"Deal."

Wally and Tim shook hands, even as Dick apologized profusely to Jason. "Little Wing, I'm so sorry you had to see us like that!"

"It was awful," Jason said solemnly. "And to think, all I wanted was to play with Terry. Where is he, by the way?"

"Roy took him to have high tea with Dinah," Dick said. "They're having mother-son bonding day."

"Yeah, Roy's maternal like that," Jason agreed. "It's good practice for when we decide to have Jason the Second."

"You wish to name your child after yourself? Todd you ignoble gasbladder," Damian sneered.

Jason stuck his tongue out at Damian. "Nyeh. Just for that, you're not getting godfather privileges."

"What! Who is to be the godfather then?"

"Dick," Jason said, as though it were obvious. Dick tittered happily, and threw his arms around Jason who accepted the hug, before yelling, "Oh no, sex arms!" 

"Jay! We didn't even get to do anything!" Dick wept. "Wally and I are sanitary people!"

Dick did smell like roses, Jason thought unhappily. "Well, alright. I'll believe you this time," he grumbled, and allowed Dick to squeeze next to him on the sofa. 

"Do you want biscuits with your tea, Little Wing?"

"Dick, don't indulge his melodrama," Bruce directed, but Dick was already speeding to the kitchen and had brought back a pile of biscuits.

"Aw yeah, thanks," Jason grinned, and wrapped himself up in his blanket, content to look like a mound of fabric with a mug of tea. Jason dipped the biscuit into his mug and took a soggy bite. "Mmm."

"Todd you oaf!"

"Eh?"

"One does not dip the biscuit into the tea! It is for separate consumption!" Damian huffed. 

"But I like the squishy mouth-feel," Jason complained.

"Boor."

Just then, Roy returned, with Terry on his hip. "Hey fam."

"'Ey fam," Terry echoed.

Jason grinned. "Here, Terrykins, have some squishy biscuit."

"Todd! Stop inculcating the babe with improper habits!"

The warning came too late, for Terry was already mesmerized by the squishy mouth feel. "Oooh," he remarked. "Unca Jay!"

"Yes, Terry?"

"Good!"

Jason beamed at the praise, and craned his neck over so that Roy could kiss him. "Where's my squishy biscuit?" Roy teased. 

"You can have a kiss from my squishy lips," Jason purred, and puckered up. Before he could act upon his lust, he felt another pair of luscious, squishy lips pecking at his cheek, and looked up just in time to see the same pair attack Roy as well. "The heck, Dick," Jason grumbled. 

Dick beamed unabashedly. "I just wanted to spread the love, Little Wing!"

"Ugh," Jason sulked, wiping the remnants of Dick's love off of his cheek. Roy, who was used to his friend's rabid need to spread affection, took it in good spirits. "How are you so chill with this?" Jason asked Roy.

"The Titans had mandatory cuddle nights," Roy said. 

"What," Jason said, incredibly uncomfortable that his hubby and his brother had shared cuddles. 

"Not sexy cuddles," Roy clarified, reaching down to pinch Dick's thigh to make him move. Dick squealed and ran off to curl up next to Tim on the rug, allowing Roy to plop himself down next to Jason. Immediately, Jason extended his blanket to wrap around Roy, making them look like some horrible fusion monster.

"Cuddles are therapeutic, Jaybird," Dick called from the rug, where he was curled around Tim. "Everyone needs to relieve stress, and feel loved and validated! Besides, we didn’t have access to a counsellor, so we had to make do with taking comfort in each other!"

Jason threw a biscuit at Dick, but it was intercepted by Tim, who reared up and expertly grabbed the projectile in his mouth. "Num num num," Tim equivocated, chewing loudly. "More treats for Timmy, please."

"The hell, Tim," Jason muttered, slightly creeped out by the sight of Tim's head weaving and bobbing slowly in the air, like a snake. "How are you so fast?"

"Timmy hungers for sustenance, and Timmy strikes when the iron is hot," Tim explained, and suddenly poked his leg out to trip up Damian, who had been waddling past. "See? Never let opportunity pass you by."

"ARGH, I am felled once more!" Damian cried, as he went tumbling. Roy stopped Damian's roll, and picked him up. "Ah, thank you, Harper."

"No problem, Dames," Roy said, smoothing Damian's hair out. "You're wearing so many layers. Are you cold?"

"Indeed," Dmaian said. "The sands of the Mediterranean have left me ill-prepared for the chill that is characterstic of Gotham."

"Aw," Roy said. "Here, have some hot tea."

"My tea!" Jason whinged, as Damian guzzled his beverage. 

"More tea, master Jason," Alfred said, materializing quietly and plying everyone with tea. Alfred loathed coffee, and he sought to teach his little family the ways of The Only Proper Drink. 

Earl Grey was taken black, with a twist of lemon, and perhaps a spot of honey. English Breakfast was to be supplemented with a splash of milk, and a dab of sugar. Chai - not chai tea, or chai tea lattes, for they were Starbucks abominations of Eldritch proportions - was to be spiced with cloves, cardamom, and ginger. 

This was the Way. 

The only Way.

Alfred watched proudly as his family drank. Damian sipped his tea with quiet dignity, while Jason insisted on dunking his biscuit in - possibly just to irk his little brother. "Thank you Alfred," the children chanted. 

"Thank 'oo," Terry echoed. He was swiftly rewarded for his impeccable manners with a glass of almond milk - his favourite. 

Seeing that everyone was occupied, Wally slunk over and gazed at Dick lustfully, seeking to finish what they had started. Dick giggled quietly, feeling his man's gaze on him. 

Unluckily for them, Bruce's gaze was on Wally, and he was wishing ill on the poor speedster. He cleared his throat and announced, "What a lovely thing it is, to have one's family all together on a day such as this."

"Truly, it cements the love that we have for one another, when we share each other's company thusly," Jason piped up, catching onto Bruce's idea. 

Defeated, Wally plopped onto the rug to stew in his juices and enjoy his family. Seeing a chance for mischief, Jason poked his foot out from under his blankets, and gently nudged Wally's shirt up, and tickled him with the offending toe. 

Wally whined sadly, for the feeling of Jason's toe upon his back was most horrible. Tim was roused to serve justice, and quick as a flash, he leaned over and grabbed Jason's toe. Then, even as Jason screamed, Tim and Wally tickled the offending digit with a stray feather - possibly left by Damian's chicken.

"Yes, yes," Damian hissed, "do it! Do it!"

"You evil slug!" Jason screeched. 

"Penance for your display of boorish manners, Todd," Damian smiled. 

By this time, Tim had slithered over to Bruce, and tickled Bruce's exposed toe with his feather. Bruce looked down, harrumphed, and continued to sip his tea. Tim squeaked in surprise. "Bruce! You're not ticklish?"

"No."

"That's not true," Dick said. "You used to laugh when I gave you tickles when I was a kid."

"I'm not ticklish," Bruce reiterated. "I laughed because it made you happy."

Immediately, Dick's eyes shone with the light of Love. "Oh Bruce!"

Bruce smiled over his teacup, like the accomplished father that he was. "I'd do anything to make my kids happy, Dick, you know that. Short of murder," he added quickly, seeing that Jason's mouth had flapped open. Jason huffed and subsided. "Because murder is wrong."

"Yeah," Tim said obediently, as though he had not aided in the murder and body disposal of two of Gotham's main villains. 

"Truly," Damian nodded along, as though he had not inadvertently caused the death of Gotham's worst villain himself. 

Jason, who knew that his brothers were absolute lying liars who lied, stayed quiet, because he still loved their little asses. Sensing that Jason was protecting them, Tim weaseled over and rubbed his face against Jason's bicep. "What's this for?" Jason grumbled.

"For being a good bro," Tim said, warming his cold nose on Jason's warm shoulder.

"You are using me as a heating pad, you twink!"

"I am not, my intentions are selfless and pure."

"You haven't been pure since November 2019!"

"Shows what you know," Tim muttered, having lost himself to Kon's gentle touches in October. 

"Ew."

Bruce stoically ignored this ongoing stupidity, and instead turned to Roy. "Jason says that you are thinking of having children."

Roy hummed. "Yeah, but probably not for a few more years. Jay needs to finish up with college first, and the adoption process is pretty long. Dick and Wally applied to adopt long before Terry was matched with them."

Bruce nodded. "True enough. When will you apply, then?"

"We want to do it in Jay's final year of college, so what, two more years?"

"Reasonable," Bruce said. "Gotham is flexible, and it does not discriminate between homosexual and heterosexual couples."

"Yes, Timmy fixed that problem ages ago," Tim giggled. 

Bruce rounded on his fae son. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, the Mayor needed a grant to rebuild the docks after a disastrous battle between Bane and Red Robin a few years ago," Tim explained, "so he approached me for money. I explained that while I was willing to fork over the money, I would like to know that I was helping to rebuild a fair and just city."

"Tim..."

"So one of the conditions for rebuilding the dockyard was that the Mayor make same-sex adoption fully legal in Gotham! Yes! Timmy saves the day with his lengthy machinations!" Tim cheered, and fell over in his joy with a squeaky laugh. 

"Let me get this straight," Jason said, "you planned to blow up the dockyard so that you could manipulate the government into legalizing same-sex adoption?"

"Mm-hmm," Tim nodded. "I just pointed out how more children would benefit in having families rather than suffering under an irrational and outdated mode of thinking. Also! It was not just adoption! Timmy pushed for equality reforms for all things LGBT related!"

"Tim..." Dick breathed in awe.

In response, Tim bared his belly in a silent demand for tummy rubs. Dick and Jason obliged their scheming brother, and Tim purred contentedly. 

Bruce just looked tired at the admission that Tim had manipulated various branches of government. He was so glad that Tim wasn't evil. 

Not to say that Tim didn’t have the potential. Tim willfully directed his massive brainpower to doing good and coming up with increasingly inventive ways to seduce Kon-El, who was in turn very willing to be seduced. 

Bruce harrumphed and cleared his thoughts of all things Kon and Clark related. He turned instead to Terry, who was waddling towards Damian. “Dami!”

Damian brightened. “Terrence! Would you like to play some improving mind games?”

“Yeah!”

“Then wait here, I shall retrieve my tools,” Damian said, and puttered off. Cass used Damian’s absence to slug over and colonize Terry’s attention. 

“Terry.”

“Cass!”

“Flash cards,” Cass smiled, baring her haul. “Want to play?”

“Play!” Terry beamed. 

Cass held up a picture of a cow. Terry clapped his hands and declared, “Moo!” Cass then held up a picture of a chicken. After a moment of consideration, Terry’s eyes lit up. “Chikee!”

“Clever bean,” Cass praised, just as Damian returned, hauling a sack with him. Damian squiggled over and put the sack down. 

“Now, Terrence! When I show you the object, you must name it!” Damian instructed. At Terry’s effusive nod, Damian reached in and withdrew a-

“Sord!” Terry squealed.

“Indeed, it is a sword!” Damian boomed happily, as Terry applauded himself with his tiny hands. “And what is this?” Damian asked, reaching into the sack again.

Terry studied the new weapon, and grinned, “Dagga!”

“A dagger! How well you have absorbed your lessons, Terrence!”

The rest of the family watched in poorly disguised horror as Damian rattled off more facts about the weapons, and Terry listened in rapt attention. 

Jason was the first to recover, and nudged Dick. “Oh my god, Dick, your pseudo-son is weird.”

“Don’t call Dami weird, he just has different passions!” Dick insisted shrilly.

“He’s probably never going to accept that there is a way of life beyond bloodshed and weaponry,” Jason mused aloud, making Dick weep tiny, twinkly tears. 

Bruce reached over and whacked his second son across the back of his head. “Stop that,” he grunted, “you’re making Dick cry.”

“But it’s the truth!”

“No it’s not,” Bruce replied. “Damian knows that there are alternative ways of dealing with your problems, and that other professions that are not ninja assassin are just as valid.”

“I have a farm,” Damian piped up proudly. “The chickens have laid several eggs, I have a good batch of chicks. I have pledged two chicks to West’s family, for his delayed bride price.”

Dick sniffled and bundled Damian and Terry up into his arms, where he snuggled them unto his motherly bosom, radiating love and innocence and glitter.

Wally, on the other hand, looked confused. “Uncle Barry negotiated a dowry for me?”

“No, it was the younger Allen.”

“Bart?” Tim piped up, surprised. “Huh. Didn’t know he had it in him. Good for him.”

“No! Not good for him!” Wally squeaked. “He sold me off like a pedigree poodle!”

“You had the choice of every dog breed in the world, and you chose to liken yourself to a poodle,” Jason bemoaned his brother-in-law. 

Wally pouted, but subsided as Damian went into detail describing how ‘excellent and fluffy’ the chicks were, and how Bart Allen had gloried in selecting the tiniest fluffballs to raise.

Terry’s enthusiasm eventually gave way to sleepiness, and he toddled tiredly over to Bruce. “Gwanpa Boos?”

Bruce looked down at his most precious treasure. “Yes, Terry?”

“Nap?”

“Nap,” Bruce concurred, and lifted Terry into his lap. As the baby dropped off to sleep, Bruce felt his own eyelids grow heavy. He grunted as he blinked through the haze of a comfortable sleep to see his family gathered around him, smiling, playing, plotting. 

Safe and happy. 

Bruce smiled, and let sleep wash over him, content in the knowledge that all was well.


End file.
